NVC Dojo

I messed up the posting order, if you are looking for the post about Signal… https://nvcdojo.org/signal-group-for-nvc-practioners-at-a-vit

Laydees and Gentilmen and all those of other persuasions or in between or none… Welcome welcome its your

NVC Role Play Club!

• Currently on Season 6!
• Lots of fun!
• Sometimes streamed live!

Role Up Role Up!

This, is not about using NVC role play as a healing modality, well not primarily. In NVC Role Play Club we are primarily, at least for now, focused on supporting Certification Candidates prepare for the role play aspect of their assessment. And you are welcome to come along today if you are not a candidate and are curious.

We seek to explore “Does NVC ‘work’?” when the situation is stressful?

In support of this we curate a space for messing up and playing.

We call it Serious Fun (see what I did there?)

So, if you fancy a taster of what this is like, come along.

Role plays are usually about 10 minutes and we give lots of time to practicing giving needs based feedback.

Adverts and more information:

https://nvc-uk.com/events/nvc-role-play-club-series-6/

and a similar advert is here:

https://www.cnvc.org/learn/events/nvc-role-play-club-series-6-2025-10-01-12-00-00

This is to offer an alternative to WhatsApp for attendees at a VIT.

For me the point is one of liberation. Are you willing to be told what to use? Are you wanting to be more in choice? Are you wanting other people to be making decisions about what software and services you use in your life? Do you have assurance that the people who own WhatsApp have your best interests in mind?

If, like me, you realise that you wish to have more choice, control and agency. If like me you find that you no longer trust the authorities to hold your best interests in mind over their own, then you are more likely to be motivated to do something about it.

There are so many ethical issues with Facebook that it has its own wiki page! This exploration led me to decide to minimise my contributing to Facebook products as much as I can.

So whilst I really like to live my NVC practice at the same time I yearn for belonging in NVC community without having to compromise on my yearning for a different digital landscape. I yearn for a digital life that is more life serving. I wonder if you might be willing to join me in alternative digital place?

I have made an alternative place for connection using an app called Signal. I have found that it is at least as easy for people to use as WhatsApp.

https://signal.org/

It is an app that I have been using since its early days. It was started in 2018 by one of the WhatsApp founders. Of course it is by no means perfect (it isn’t completely open source), however I particularly enjoy the leadership and innovation that Meredith is bringing.

Some of folk have been exploring what nonviolence in tech might mean: https://www.nonviolenttech.org/ We use Signal too.

Please email me for tech support.

with warmth,

~em~

Today a copy of this book was offered to UK NVC practioners. The sharer offers, ‘Published in A4 format by CNVC in 1992. An early (the first) NVC book for children.’

This is a piece of our history!

What a wonderful gift! I can see that there are 7 copies available to the public in American libraries:

I haven't found any electronic version of it nor second hand copy on the market.

Curious about whether Rita Herzog and Kathy Smith and the publishers CNVC, would enjoy releasing under a copyleft licence, perhaps for digital archival and sharing?

And noting some distance in NVC industry between the ideas of copyleft and strategies for meeting needs through earning money.

And noticing a tiredness and confusion in me around this. So curious what I can do, (beyond my personal and extensive mourning and trauma work!), to nurture a culture of free(dom) software, sharing and gift economy within the digital lives of our beautiful community.

with love

~em~

On the wall of the two UK NVC Assessment weekends there has been a flipchart with the words, 'What is your relationship with authority here?' or something. If I get the time I will try to hunt out a photo.

I have been so curious about this. Why is it on the wall? Is it something to do with Paolo Freire's work? It took me years to find a clip of Marshall Rosenberg citing Freire, and enumerating the ideas that contributed to the formulation of NVC. When I first read Pedagogy of the Oppressed I was highly impacted, and enjoyed how it supported me to examine my relationship with authority, and gave me some idea of how I have internalised this relationship, perhaps largely as a result of my western education. Furthermore Freire offers a method of education that can support us to examine this question. A couple of months ago I was delighted to hear from Dominic Barter who confirmed and expanded my curiosity around how Freire had influenced Rosenberg.

Now what I am curious about is, ‘How is Freire's work alive in NVC Training today?’ I am not sure how much of it there is or is not. Sometimes I see glimpses of it, sometimes I see it infused into the practise and sometimes I see NVC trainers ‘teaching’ NVC as if teachers in school. My understanding is that without exploring this question directly or using problem posing pedagogies it is hard to deconstruct the authority within us. Unfortunately whilst this question is on the walls of the two assessments I have been to, there has been little time to be in discourse around it. Assessments are busy times.

So I am curious as to how and when I might get to hear something of what contributes to this question being on the wall? Is it simply something to do with the power dynamic between an assessor and a candidate or is there something deeper? How much of Friere's ideas are still embedded into our NVC training practices?

As we emerge from lock down, I have been curious around how I can retain the bits that I enjoyed.

I enjoyed, I loved, I rejoiced at how the world went online. For many years requests to meet online have been met by ‘we dont do that’! Often these requests were made by people who could really benefit from a change in imagination and culture. Disabled people, people who live remotely, people who want to drive less, people who want to be more available to their families.

What celebration that within a few weeks all the cultural and social and imagination barriers to meeting these requests evaporated!

We experimented as an NVC community, and many of us ppushed past our judgements around the quality of connection would be sufficient to hold group spaces. We learnt how to use the available tools to continue our NVC practices, sharing and working. This has let me meet, learn from, and share NVC with people living around the world! What a gift!

This change has let me control my environment, save carbon, save time, and save money. Oh what a joy it was for me to witness this pause in pollution, this window of potential change!

And, most of us will have really missed the qualities of being in proximity to those that we are meeting and connecting with. Most of us will be overwhelmed with screen time.

Now as lockdown is ending, I have delighted in hugs and seeing 3d people, and rediscovering that people have bodies beneath their shoulders! Now I am curious, how can I carry with me the joy of online meeting, with the lengthening days, and my need to be away from screens.

During the lockdown to meet all the needs, I often went for a walk, went down the beach, cleaned the house, laid in bed or even had a bath during meetings. There are technical challenges, that I have yet to fully meet. For instance because my bluetooth headset doesnt have a ‘mute’ button, when I go off camera to make tea, I mute on the laptop so that the kettle boiliing noise doesn’t disturb the meeting. I really enjoy the weirdness of still being in the meeting, as I make my tea. But many times, it has resulted in a short sprint to the laptop, to unmute and breathlessly respond to the question I have been asked !

Here is my experiment, I offer it here and request feedback.

Mixed movement Online Meetings.

Requires a phone and a bluetooth headset. Acknowledging that wind is a problem so I will both be experimenting with a wind sock and choosing more sheltered walks for windy days.

Have the check-in whilst sitting down.

Then switch cameras off and go for a walk.

In my previous experiments, many people delighted in my sharing of sunsets, rainbows, campfire and seaside views during the meeting. Of course, the meetings that I would do this were often social, event organising or party planning. Sometimes, I would even take a blue tooth speaker and dance on the empty beach…

This is written for anyone who is considering attending a certification assessment event. The event was held in the UK, I identify as Neurodiverse and am considering registering as a Certification Candidate. I was supported to attend by the UK-NVC community, and this document in written in support of expressing my gratitude for that. This is a wee snippet from 11 juicy pages, the full document is here.

Background

A member of the English Speaking European Assessment Team (ESEAT) team posted to the UK-NVC Rise-Up email list expressing concern about viability for an upcoming event, especially within the post COVID, post Brexit situation and requesting UK community support. One respondent responding in way that I resonated with, empathising with the need for sustainability for ESEAT and finding the cost ’very high’. A wish for a ’longer conversation around how to manage all this’, was named.

Two actions were taken, the community was invited to contribute to a fund in support of a community member attending, and a meeting was called to explore the issues. At the meeting the ESEAT member ex- pressed uncertainty around whether the event would be viable and they observed different cultures in other European countries where the NVC communities were more active in supporting the assessment team. It was agreed that it would be more likely that the event would go ahead if one person signed up within the next couple of hours and others signed up after that. I was then asked if I would be able to go if the community fund was offered to me, and I decided in that moment to accept.

I would like to name the feelings that came up for me at that time but it would be hard, I was excited and overwhelmed, grateful. Many needs were met, not least ’to matter’ and ’to contribute’.

Attending this event is a very worthwhile thing, if you are considering certification. It is also worthwhile as part of the NVC community, because your learning will be accelerated by the immersion. It is also worthwhile, if you wish to contribute to the UK’s NVC community, because you will be supporting the ESEAT team at a time when community support is welcome to ensure the expertise and resource that it brings continues to be as readily available as it is.

This is a snippet, the full document is here.